Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
I guess the cop knew i was on a walk of shame and felt bad...i got to play with the siren the rest of the way home
i got a blow job in the bathroom during intermission at the hockey game. i'm pretty sure i made Canada proud.
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Penises. Everywhere.
You're. Welcome.
Bad news. I baked you a cake and one of my fingernails is missing.
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I cannot believe I am seriously having a conversation about my best friend's sexual prowess as a dream lesbian.
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize