just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
I don't give a shit about soccer but I'm really excited about drinking at 7 in the morning
I wish I had a "puke in your car" emoticon
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
I JUST MET THE GIANT MAN THAT WILL CARRY ME FROM PLACE TO PLACE
I'm pretty sure the guy she brought home is a polish porn star..
She passed out in his mom's bed and when we went to go get her she went 'no its cool I live here'.
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
Can you plz delete the video of me twerking in Waffle House, my mom just got a vine.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
got a blowjob in the bar bathroom, got arrested for public intoxication, and found a big bag of weed on the ground on my walk home from the station. my friday night could have been a movie
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