i said send nudes i get bra and panties. thats not what i fucking asked for.
the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
Just ate cheeseit crumbs off the floor. i feel like Kirstie Alley.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
Hey got that picture this morning. 1. clean your room 2.what happened to your nail? and 3. your penis is amazing,.
Using our apartments online floor/space planner to see how many beer pong tables we can fit. Dont think they had this in mind when they put this thing online.
Probably not lol but were fitting as many as possible
We swapped clothes. He left in a v-neck and I left in a tuxedo. Classiest walk of shame or the gayest?
The best was when you were crying, and trying to get the bouncer to "understand you AS A HUMAN BEING"
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
One last thing: he lists glow sticks and tacos as things he can't live without. How would we not be friends??
You fell asleep on the toilet and he was like uh should I take her off?
if jesus wore shoes made out of pure flavor and hurricane kicked u in the face thats how it feels to eat pizza bites right now
I am that special "drink water and be grateful I'm alive" kind of hungover
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