Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
bong water from a few floors above me just splashed onto my face when i was looking out the window. Happy 4/21 to me
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
I say "glasses of whiskey" like I didn't chug it out of the bottle
I'm scared to touch anything in this apartment. Even the ceiling.
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
Sex to movie scores is my best choice of the year. You've had an orgasm but have you had an orgasm with an entire orchestra.
I managed to break 3 nails and loose my stockings, but I made 87 dollars at the strip club. I asked where I could find an application on the way out.
You were laying on the floor coloring a "get well soon' card for your liver...
He smells like sex and magic. I’m already naming our children
Maybe you should talk to him first
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