guy in the car over is getting some terrible road head. he just gave me a thumbs down when he noticed i was watching.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
And now we have yet another reason to never travel to Detroit
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
We had sex in front of Notre Dame Cathedral, but I lost my wallet. God giveth and God taketh away.
this morning i checked my reflection in the toilet as i was throwing up to make sure i still had my pearl earrings on
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Every time he asks me if I'm horny I'm just like come on...stupid question
Hey douche face I just want you to know, if you ever got hit by a bus, I'd really miss you.
Only if you died obviously.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
I would have rather been getting my vagina slowly waxed all day then be here.
Just got an email from match.com trying to match me with My ex..I nearly pissed myself laughing
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Randomize
