I don't even know. I woke up to a text from someone named Vick saying he was 'legit worried' that I had herpes.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Meet me at the corner of "what the fuck" and"how'd you get in my bed" in 10 minutes.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
yea, there's something about a stripper whipping you with your own belt that makes you think
Our house almost burnt down last night. I woke up at 4:10am to the smoke alarm going off bc the bean bag chair was on fire so i extinguished it and smoked a bowl at 4:20 to celebrate my fire extinguishing abilities
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
I like how my motivation to lose weight is so I can wear a nude bikini and get covered in body paint for the tribal party. Priorities.
Is it rude to ask for an autograph after giving him a blowjob in their hotel's hot tub?
Blow job season was short but glorious.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Randomize
