she woke up with a sticky ear
You can't just say things like "great depression theme party" and then not respond.
Eventually the creepy theater major quirks will come out. Probably in bed. Like role playing as the Phantom of the Opera
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
I was grinding on people that were grinding. Nonconsensual.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
Wait. You NEVER used a Dizzy Doodler pen as a vibrator?!?
Actually let's just focus our energy on not getting committed to a psych ward.
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
Final Summary: could he eat a lit sparkler? Probably. Could he do it while peeing off the roof? I'll tell you when you get to the ER.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
he high fived his dick after we had sex
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