Stop blaming waffle house for all your problems
I bought a police grade breathalyzer on ebay at 4:37 am. At least I'm a responsible drunk.
So I passed out with my boxers on in the hotel jacuzzi at 5am.. The manager who kicked me out was pretty cute so I left my name and number for her at the front desk. I'm giving it a 50/50 she calls.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
He didn't get laid that weekend.. and that is honestly an accomplishment for the rest of us.
We got to his house, cuddled while watching game of thrones, then fucked during the repeat airing.
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
How fast can you get here?\nI need to ride your cock into the sunset.
Your next boyfriend should be from MENSA...you're so smart, it's intimidating as fuck. My penis retracted in fear.
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I threw up outside. Then I peed got off the toilet and threw up. While I threw up u pulled up my pants. Not my best moment
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
