thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
you're just mad because in the hogwarts world I'm Harry and you're Ron. get over it.
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
My professor just told me I'm living a lie and I found puke on my pants. How do you think it's going?
Didn't know hookah bars could end badly. I feel for her hair
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
If this were a real emergency kilted men wielding claymores and riding giant badgers would hve rescued said Guinness. So clearly this is just a hypothetical
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
I lost my bra, he lost his virginity. Seems like a fair trade off.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Just walked past the field playing Jesus music with a fanny pack full of condoms and beer. Happy Sunday.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
