the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
Just got blown whilst getting my high score on bejeweled blitz. There's still a month and a half left of summer and my bucket list is empty...
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
who was wearing the fake mustache? I just found one in my cleavage
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
LOVE ME MORE THAN PIZZA CAN
I think your dad took our porno
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
My cat took a shit on the guy who passed out in the bathtub
He just blew a .079. Jesus loves him THAT much.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize