I dont shave on purpose to keep myself from being slutastic!! it usually works
why is it that everyone in pennsylvannia gets fucking prego??
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Now he's talking about how he's writing in a journal because he doesn't remember "his thought patterns when he was in elementary and that's distressing". I'm walking home. Fuck this.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
I woke up to him eating cereal out of my viking helmet with a shot glass. No idea where he got the milk.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
i wish i could tell my students that all of their lessons plans were brought to them by captain morgan and diet coke. it's like seasame street, only for high schoolers being taught by a student teacher.
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
I know you saw me get knocked out after I stepped on that rake why did you leave me there
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Ick. That's not even the fun kind of punishment.
You know it's NBA season when you compare head to 3 pointers.
Randomize
