He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
bad to tell him im pregnant over fbook chat?
I was gonna make fun of her but that plan kinda stopped once she put my dick in her mouth
He sat there and debated the pros and cons of hooking up with me
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
He gave me an orgasm before we even reached 2nd base, everything he did in high school is irrelevant.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
In the mean time, I'll continue to kick ass at running and become a successful stripper while he might hook up with one average looking girl he met at a club. I so win.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
I just landed at Logan and some guy threw up in the baggage carousel. Boston never really changes
Randomize
