Since she's grinding up on your thigh right now, I'm sending you this text hoping it makes your phone vibrate in her vagina
First thing I heard on the radio when I got in the car: "humans and dinosaurs used to live happily together"... I need to stop listening to Christian radio...
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I told him I had to grab my Swedish fish from the car before they froze. Then I just left. But the fact that he knew how important it was not to have my fish freeze almost made me come back in....almost.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
Is it weird that my ex and the dude I'm talking to now both only have one testicle? Apparently I've found my type..
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I'm going to have to go for it. It's like Mt. Everest. It's large and unpredictable but I live for adventure and it's worth never coming back from. Mt. BigDick.
I feel like with a dick like that he could of done more with it
Randomize
