he was wearing sponge bob boxers. Guess how long he lasted.
found a ham sandwich in the elevator it tasted so hungry and it was still fresh. dont be mad at me. you know you love ham.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Its like the two hemispheres of my brain are in a death match but are two evenly matched for either side to win kinda drunk.
Do you have any booze?
Well I have 60 feet of bubble wrap and a bottle of wine...but I'm saving that for a special girl...
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
I feel bad for her, but I feel like she's one of those resource-raping alien civilizations that visits planets, decimates them and then leaves. Those really aren't the qualities I appreciate in a friend. Ya know?
He wanted me to strip for him. I told him that we aren't at that serious of a fuck buddy relationship yet
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
But like now I know, men who are vegetarians are significantly worse in bed.
Never let your siblings swipe right.
Dude I had sex with her and she STILL thinks I'm gay. I don't know what else to do.
I accidentally made jungle juice last night.
Randomize
