Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
Yeah but his hole really smells sometimes
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
The party went downhill once the fire department had to be called to put out the kitchen fire.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
Just ate a gummy bear I found in my sheets. So yeah, 2013 is SO gonna be my year.
BURNT NIPPLES ARE UNHAPPY NIPPLES.
They had to stop us from skinny dipping in the reflection pool of the Mormon temple.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
You’re a genius! I just walked in, shut the door, blew him and left. He could barely move afterwards and was a hot mess at the presentation. He already sent me a calendar invite for another meeting
Birthday wine tasting got super shambly super quickly. I am covered in cuts/bruises/terrible life decisions.
Randomize