I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
then you gave the doctors and nurses bloody high fives
Her gay brother kept hitting on me and cockblocking me. Don't even begin to tell me how bad your night was.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
i may have given a gay guy with a mohawk my number last night that said... "you are straight" omg so glad a whole year til my next birthday... also i hit myself in the face with a car door. nice.
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
Balls deep in an Orange is the New Black marathon. Bring food and drugs.
in honor of breaking bad starting soon, i am now banging a walter white lookalike. viva heisenberg!
Well, I dont really know how much penis you have at your disposal so I cant be sure
This love triangle bullshit is getting out of hand. It's now a love polygon and I want out
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
