the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
Words of wisdom-never eat a peanut-butter covered banana on a construction site ever again
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Two hours into move in day and the ambulance is here already.
and yes i will spend 10 dollars on a vibrating toothbrush to masturbate but not a calculator for my test
I'm impressed you managed to decipher 'annslqllpprebBcncnj' into 'I'm drunk at the Vic, come pick me up and do me on the kitchen table'
It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.
i think we should start 2012 by becoming clean and sober for awhile and buckle down
ppsyche im wasted where are you
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
Okay hun. Well my neighbors haven't called the cops yet so I think we're good. No more burning in the yard.
Sorry about the weird guinea pigs text. I was drunk and they were freaking me out
Every now and then I'll meet one who is talented in the art of shower gymnast.
Pornhub is still operational. Therefore, the world has NOT come to an end in the blizzard!
There's so much mac and cheese stuck to my foot right now
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
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