I accidentally had phone sex last night
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
I blew him while watching the aristocats. There were singing cats in the background. I think he he hummed along at one point.
I kind of want to throw a lot of things at him. Mostly blunt, heavy objects.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
It's like every time I'm baked I discover my fingers all over again.
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
