Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
Upon hearing of his newfound access to every orifice... even ones he just made up... the Grinch's penis grew three sizes that day.
I just had someone call me out on a walk of shame via megaphone
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
he fucked my hip out of place.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
I've been drunk in my life. But I've never been "crying in 5 Guys at 1 in the afternoon" drunk
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
I was wondering why are people staring at me til I realized I was bra-less with a lei around my neck
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Do you really want to know anything about the inner machinations of a furry's mind
He knocked me over backwards in my chair. I had a beer in each hand. Didn't spill a drop.
Randomize
