i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
Assholes at mcdonalds drive through wouldn't serve us last night even though we said we were on small motorcycles that were to small for them to see and weren't heavy enough for the sensors. We made noises and everything.
The girl I was getting head from just called my dick an anteater...I hate my parents for not cutting my cock tip off.
Here's a fun fact your kittens ate my vomit last night
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
his phone is always ringing though. It makes me feel like I'm dating a doctor who's always on call.
yeah, dating a doctor sounds much better than fucking your drug dealer.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
I'm stoned entirely off resin. Licking my blankets. Merry Christmas. Jesus died for our sins. Yay Jesus. I love you.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
A talk about Arizona woman's rights politics has never turned to sex so quickly before.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
FUCK YOU IM DRINKING WINE FROM A BOX
You okay there or need a ride? Maybe a straw for your box
Maybe a straw...
He just kept repeating "It was like meep meep meep on my balls."
Randomize
