He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
We're having chugging races with long island ice tea, I won. To often
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Also I owe you 20 bucks, a clean towel and a glass of scotch. I'll even throw in a blow job
I should probably stop opening conversations with 'guess who's horny'.
I woke up this morning with a text from my mom as to why the hell random people were showing up at the house. Turns out nobody came to our house party because I gave them my old address, fuck pre-partying for real
I have fence marks all over my body
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
He stopped me mid-blow job to say that his new year's resolution was to stop hooking up. MID FUCKING BLOW JOB.
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Randomize
