I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
He asked me if I "almost moaned"
You were pretty fucked up... decided playing hopscotch down the stairs was an excellent idea.. it was extremely entertaining
That was the scariest sex i've ever heard....
It was the best sex i've ever had.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
all i remember is that her bootyshorts said 'shameless' and that there was no turning back.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Whatever dude, I don't feel bad about it. If my girlfriend finds out even SHE should give me a high five. That bitch was fine
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
I just found a weed leaf in my leg hair..
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Is it uncouth to masturbate the night before a gyno appointment?
Randomize
