I mean i might have to drop this class tomorrow. I just walked into a midterm
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
True. She actually gives a fuck. A quality looked down upon if she wants to be one of us
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
My only expectation is honesty. And three orgasms every time.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
the best part of college is nobody can tell me not to eat six toaster strudels and jerk off in the shower
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
Hey! I need booze. And penises. And a lot of mistakes that I will regret in the morning.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
Randomize
