mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
This is the worst date ever. Pls kill me. No, wait, scratch that, stick to the original plan of killing Paris Hilton, I'll live though this
why do all the strippers look like they came from fraggle rock
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I made a mac n' cheesicle. Better in my head than in real life. Gonna keep smoking to see if it gets better.
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
This vodka tastes like I'm not going to class tomorrow.
It was a perpetual wrestle for who got to be on bottom. Laziest hookup ever.
Then I'll go home and you two can do whatever two same sex heterosexual soul mates do
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
Dude. I've been high for so many hours now that I'm just accepting this as my new reality.
He came on my favorite pants. He is dead to me.
Randomize
