I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
I wish the health center treadmills counted beers burned not calories
i'm sure god appreciates how great my boobs look during this fine christmas eve mass
Taking my tights off outside the club to give them to the homeless man was my contribution to humanity. The fact that it was snowing just made me feel like superman.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
If I don't at least start a parade that spirals into drunken riots then I'm calling it a fail of a birthday
Archery is over so let's go back to not giving a fuck for the next 3 years and 11 months
whatever the appropriate amount of shots is to consider drunken acrobatics a good idea was a few less than I actually had
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
We went camping and met these lesbians and now I have S'mores where there shouldn't be S'mores.
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
And now Google thinks I have a hard hat fetish...maybe I do...
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