this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
so you had a one ended conversation with the toilet las night in between barfs. you kept telling the toilet how strong it was because its gone through a lot of shit in its life.
drunk me is so punny.
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
Just watched a fat girl on a scooter run into the back of a bus head first
You are the luckiest man alive
Just tried to use the bottle of Sprite in my car as mouthwash to get the taste of puke out of my mouth- it's half vodka. Puked again. Thanks man.
He just stabbed two olives and a pickle with a fork and deep throated it in front of my family
Not even marginally surprised
I told him the truth. Truth leads to vodka. Vodka leads to tequila. Tequila leads to prison.
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
You can fuck me but I'm keeping my parka on.
Proudest moment of my life. Just watched a guy walk into the side of a car because I winked at him. Love these yoga pants and my hair. Fuck yes. His mouth was hanging open.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
Drunk is not a location!
Yeah we've been texting but I don't know how to just randomly throw in sooo the real reason this is happening is because i hear you're a drug dealer
Randomize
