Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
dude...i just woke up in ****'s bed!
doesn't he have a girlfriend???
yeah...who do you think woke us up...
I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Have you ever noticed that nowhere is the same thing as now here, i get my best ideas when i smoke
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
I just lit a candle in my room using axe and a lighter, that's how bored I am. Let's get schwasted.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
after he went down on me he said he wanted an air freshener for his car scented like my vag. i cant even.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
On a completely unrelated note I think I have carpal tunnel
Again, totally unrelated
you walked in, put on rap music and started chugging vodka
I watch one musical on Netflix, and the "Suggested for you" section is literally almost the entire gay movie category. I feel profiled, and netflixs' accuracy about my sexuality is both impressive and offensive.
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
I basically spent the entire weekend in bed with that red head.Every time I tried to leave she got me too horny to think straight. I was kidnapped by vagina
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