I think I'm going to be in trouble for sneaking out last night. My Dad saw me drive up this morning when he was leaving early for work.
What'd you say?
I told him I was sleep driving
I woke up in a strange girl's bed and rifled through her mail to get her name.
You drank almost the entire bottle of everclear and wanted to walk around. I guess your best friends sister is a cop and you wanted her to arrest you like the lil wayne song.... so sorry dude.
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
she made me put on a condom before giving me a handjob...this is why i hate freshmen
His penis without viagra is what breaks my heart.
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Just promise me you wont die... or hook up with an old asian lady playing slots
Cant promise that last part. I won't die though
Well it's official... The first guy I ever gave head to now holds 2 world records. Should I text him asking if I can try and break my record?
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
You realize that if you get murdered while we're talking, I'm gonna have to explain to your next of kin why the last thing on your phone is a picture of my boobs.
At one point we were both in the bathroom and i was taking a shit while holding your hair as you puked in the sink. Friendship.
I just sneeze out a chunk of leftover pickle I threw up last night. dont you try and tell me your day is going worse
Like I don't care that he's a drug dealer, but I have a problem with his inefficient and ineffective business model.
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
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