Is it morally objectionable to repay my debt to society with drug money?
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I should start an etsy shop with all the jewelry and clothes women leave at my house
Omg having my Grindr go off at the planned parenthood is just not okay
my grandpa is going down the line on this prom picture, and telling me how big everyone's nipples are... he was spot on for me.
My teacher just let our class out 30 minutes early, its a 50 minute class. He said the only thing we had to do was get fucked up tonight and have stories about it on Monday.
Also, my aunt grabbed my phone and downloaded the scriptures. Apparently I need Jesus.
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
First night of sleeping in the same bed, and she farted on me. I immediately excused myself and went home. Don't know if we're still together. Will update you.
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
Randomize
