id tell you what to do, but my morals dont exactly scream, "Listen to this guy!"
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
I will have you again some day my love. And our divorce will be magnificent
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
lost my vibrator and now I have to masturbate manually. The struggle is fucking real.
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
I was gonna be Romantic and write your name in emoji eggplants but A's are hard
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
At about 2:30 i found you passed out in my closet with your face covered in cheese whiz
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
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