why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
If lil wayne asked you to lick him like a lollipop I feel that you would willingly oblige.
Unfortunately I think I would lick most anyone's lollipop.
It's your form of community service; servicing the greater SDSU area.
we saw you sitting at the door of the dorm trashed, wrapped in DANGER tape with a stolen balloon around your wrist
you tried to do a keg stand and ended up flipping over it and onto the table
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Idk how she did it. Either she watches freakier porn than I do, or I really need to go get tested.
He is in the front yard trying to catch birds out of the air with a fishing net.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
His penis makes me feel like a mystic dragon sliding down a turbo slide covered in white gumdrops and sour cashews
Same.
The dopest dose you'll ever dose. I felt like an octopus all of thursday
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
I reek of latex and grilled onions.
Mission accomplished.
I've woke up with the same hoodie on backwards, twice this week. I think that's a record
The tit pic search didn't go as planned, some old guy sent me a pic of his balls and said stop texting his daughter. Better luck tomorrow
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
Randomize
