that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
in the 'for' section of the check i put "when we got drunk and broke things". again im sorry.
As I was going down on her I noticed she had a tatoo on her inner thigh that said "Eat it like your birthday cake".
Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
we need to find an occasion to wear tutus
Please please please buy brown eye liner on your way home in the morning... I'm missing an eyebrow
finally remembered how I know that chick in my history class. she made and fed me ramen when I was wasted!
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I'm convinced my penis is the only thing holding this relationship together.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
You leaned over so she could squirt ketchup in your hair and then started chanting "KETCHUP NIGHT!! KETCHUP NIGHT!!!"
I think we need to stage a munchie intervention for Ben. I just watched him use a tortilla as a potholder to dump water out of his ramen.
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
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