dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
I literally need to be slapped with another cock just to notice it.
i think you ate grass..but you refused to open your mouth so we could see..
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
Yah, I guess one silver lining is I'd never seen a full water cooler get thrown down a flight of stairs, gotta appreciate the little things
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
Fyi, shaking your genitals at me doesn't count as "trying to have sex".
So now I'm just going to brush my teeth, get high, and go to sleep. Like an adult
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
Randomize
