She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Cops are here now. U need to come back. Ur not under arrest. But u need to apologize to the woman for what you did to her cat.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
If one more "stranger" walks up to me at the bar and asks how I have been, I am going to rehab.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
its kind of scaring me that i am turned on by tom cruise in rock of ages
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I was chasing disarono with Bacardi and watching ice cube movies. It would have been an epic birthday if I wasn't by myself and actually had some decent friends.. Hint. Asshole.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
