I'm drinking on the job... HEAVILY
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
So chef boyardee smells exactly the same after you throw it up
i literally discovered the exact same thing last week. i had the lasagna one
ravioli
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
I just feel as thought we should spend the day in which we celebrate relationships the same as how we started them. Drunken hook ups.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
Im gonna go lick parts of my apartment. Good night and be ever vigilant, you never know when I'm coming to epoxy your hand to you nipple.
dollar rum and cokes, see you on the dark side of infinity
And pointless. I'm fully vested in all my calories coming from booze today. The salad just fucks that shit up
Randomize
