I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
U dropped me off n it hit me, i made it inside for exactly shit thirty on the nose, another minute n i would of had brown trowsers
Pretty much gone. He was in the backseat and kept whispering that his "toes felt like pigtails"
This guy kept running around with a blender giving people shots of everclear and vodka. Best. Toga. Party. Ever.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
I only made out with him because he cured my hiccups
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
He's basically wearing those Nike boner sweatpants. It's hard not to jump him. How has your day been?
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Also while I’m drunk I saw your penis in like 4th grade when I walked past the boys bathroom
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
