If I ever start a band I'm gonna name it "Nancy Reagan's Vagina"
This is one of those situations that make me think to myself "what life decision did I make to get here"
So somehow I got from NYC to a suburban town in the middle of Jersey. At 4am. Thank god there are trains that can rectify my mistakes...
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
I can't be held responsible for my own vagina. Let's just be honest here.
dude they had a "sorry for partying" wall in their house which consisted if all the hospital bills, tickets, detox receipts and court orders they've gotten. The ENTIRE wall was covered.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
What's standard gratutity for someone having a miscarriage on stage at a strip club? It's important.
My arms are sore from holding up pukeahontas for so long
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
ANIME MEN ARE MAKING ME QUESTION MY SEXUALITY AGAIN
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
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