I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
The drink u got me is pineapple something w. Cigarete ashes in it.ima drink it anyway
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
i feel like words won't express my appreciation properly so at some point i'm just going to bring you pizza then go down on you for an hour. fair?
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
And there was a legally blind kid in a ref costume doing surprisingly well at beer pong who was passing out business cards
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
6 beers, 3 orange crushes, & half a fire ball later & you get my alter ego.
You dropped my mother on the dance floor. She has a concussion. You didn't apologize. Don't speak to me for a while.
10 shots in she's sitting on the floor using the open dishwasher door as a plate to eat her "life giving" pizza.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
Just got recognized as black out drunk girl. I'm never going to live that down, am I?
Randomize
