I'm in a cab, in a strange city, and my driver looks like he's going to eat me. My facebook password is **** I want you to have the one thing I hold dearest to my heart.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
Remember back in the day when getting fingered in the movie theater was the best thing ever?
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
She just looked at him and said "I'm gonna fuck that" and it totally worked.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
i wish you were under my bed. you sexy russian fur trapper.
please. text the right number. youve been sending me these all night.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
Thanks for putting up with my drunk friend last night. Its all fun and games till someone pukes macaroni under your fridge.
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
Randomize
