I accidentally broke up with him while I was drunk which is really too bad since I'd just gotten a birth control perscription so we could start having sex.
Do you think he'd take me back if I said "dude, we need to get back together or this IUD is going to have an existential crisis for not realizing its full potential"?
I just saw Ann slam dunk her puke bag into a trash can on Avenue A. You ladies might want to consider putting the Patron shots down and going home.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
Whatever you do to me, stop, I found yet another blonde hair in my asshole.
Okay. Did anyone see me spend $1600 at the strip club last night? Or is this someone else's receipt in my pocket?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Sneezing blood is a good thing right? Medically speaking.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
Micheal let me call him captain america while we fucked. It was awesome
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
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