You work out of a Hotel?
Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
In case this wasn't clear when i said being his wingman was "hopeless", his date walked out on him when he poured a beer on his head trying to shotgun it
Dear god how many nuts did u bust in me my vagina feels like a bowl of jello.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Remember when you fed me goldfish while I was -inside- of someone?
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
You screamed "i promise ill stop blowing your brother" in the middle of a packed restaurant at 1pm. We should maybe rethink our relationship.
Lol if he questions who I am I'm gonna send him a pic of his boxers
Tell me again why we had to Facebook stalk your therapist?
Nothing says "Happy New Year" like having to shit into a plastic bag.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
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