when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
I realized today that I should stop thinking so much with my vagina instead of my brain.
Please tell me this doesn't mean another "surprise road trip" where I spend all my money on gas and the SURPRISE destination is the abortion clinic.
But what if I pay for the gas?
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
mom and dad are asleep. time to fish my half-full bottle of wine out from under my bed and give this christmas visit a pick-me-up.
"half-full" seems a little optimistic for the turn your night is taking.
I found his retainer in my ass crack. It smells like shame.
Are there any rules against fucking the hot TA?
Maybe for her....
Her problem, not mine
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
i regret nothing
brb throwing up in the dishwasher
i regret everything
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
We went from him going down on me to swapping baby pictures of our moms.
It says something about our relationship that he stole your phone to tell me about his dick at 3am and neither of us realized that wasn't you until just now
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
Randomize
