Do u have any bacon or vodka by chance
Lady with a stroller in a bar. Think she's out of my league?
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
sometimes after I smoke and the high has gone away...the high will come back like three hours later for a brief yet gripping ride.
that's usually when I end up in someone's house, having sex with someone else, while that someone's roommate makes us mozzarella sticks.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
My dad called me in the middle of the night, drunk on vodka, asking for references on the Irish alphabet.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Dont you look at me in that tone of voice
Are you sure you found YOUR underwear?
Don’t listen to me, I’m walking around wearing nothing but rave bracelets and headphones shouting “yeeeeaaahhhhhh”
Randomize