i bet if teenage jesus was here he would do a shot with me
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
But I always wanted my obit to read "Died violently in casino orgy," not "Never woke up from rectal surgery."
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
I saw a stripper quit while on stage to months ago nothing you tell me will amaze me
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
I asked if I could borrow some condoms. She referred to herself as "a soup kitchen for whores".
Dude did I even see you at the bar. Cause I was for sure there then the next second apparently I was crying next to my Christmas tree because nobody believed in me.
Wow. Last night.
I knew you were shit blasted when you called me your "sunflower queen"
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I had to replace her wine with red vitamin water. So if she’s alive, you can thank me
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
