Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
Just found the bucket list I wrote when I was high...somehow I dont think "jello swimming pool" is gonna happen.
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Just spent the equivalent of my life savings in the liquor store. This is going to be a good weekend
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
First things first, I always get more drunk than the birthday girl. Like, who's idea was it to sing karaoke? I killed it.
I can't trust your balls anymore.
Everything is bullshit and I hate everyone
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
I don't even know if he's actually hot or just hot because he plays hockey..
You did not just say that.
Can I use your boat
Also, what’s the deal with international water? Do they have signs out there like a city does or do I need a map?
WTH is going on? It’s the middle of the night
Randomize
