No one appreciates an amoeba in a balloon hat.
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
how did we ever eat at restaurants where they DIDNT squirt-gun tequila in our mouths?
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
The girl in the white might have stds. I'm strangely okay with this.
Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
I wish they would just make alcoholic protein shakes already.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
Over Bumbled last night. I think I set my dog up on a date Sunday afternoon. I have to drive him, meet the other dog’s dad and secretly drink a bottle of champagne from a “water bottle”. This is not what I expected 30 to be like.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
