I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
I am full of burrito and curiosity
walkin around the woods blazed, drawing pictures of trees and plants, i get a grade for this
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
I feel like a fucked a broomstick last night. You get a gold star.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Ok. I'll enjoy the quiet (translation: I might be naked, call ahead if you come home tonight)
I gave a very stressed out cashier a mini bottle from my purse the day after Christmas. It's what Jesus would have done.
You're a good person. Sharing is caring.
Is it bad that I tried to build an outfit based around "What do people who use condoms look like when they buy condoms?"
I'm laying in my bed in the fetal position with a bag of frozen peas on my head and the bathroom trashcan next to me. Fucking tequila.
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Randomize