M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i can't believe he got me to come over to him by waving a natty light at me.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I remember desperately screaming that I love my life and running in zig zags all the way home
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
Mom chose Thanksgiving to tell me the reason I am here is because she was too tired to give my dad a BJ and too drunk to make him pull out.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
The cop that got shot in the dick is here, let the entertainment begin.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
Working nightshift means its never too early to start drinking- and you can quote me on that
My dad just informed me that I may be entitled to $1700 worth of stimulus money... looks like that hitachi is coming sooner than later. Let's hope for the best!
Randomize
