are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
I come back into the room and you're grinding with the person in the mascot suit.
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
Cuz its complicated and I hate complicated and I miss your penis
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
My life is sponsored by tidy cat kitty litter, Bacardi rum, and plan b.
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
It makes me feel all patriotic & free... And borderline diabetic.
Got an egg Mcmuffin combo, and put the hash brown in the sandwich. That level of hungover
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
I ripped ass in on and around her face during a hard 69. I don't think she'll ever call me again.
Randomize
