For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
I dont think he stole the pillow. I mean if he wanted a souvenir, my thong was on the nightstand.
We should tie ourselves together anytime there is any type of alcohol involved. It's the safest way. I either end up with freshmen or weird ex bfs. You end up with a large cowboy. This is not good for us
It's hard to take you serious when you're crying your eyes out wearing an adult sized onesie.
If I had a dollar for every time i woke up screaming for my pants i"d have enough money to buy all the beer I stole last night.
Well i think matt shit his pants so ill mark that as a W
hes that one kid that offered to spoon after staring at me for 5 minutes
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Randomize
