I want 2 things right now, you or a cig
cig
Fat chicks shouldn't bartend
we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
Edward fifth and chaser hands
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
The security guard popped his head over the mens room door and goes "nice tits- now get out." Deer in headlights moment right there.
I made the jerking off hand motion to my mother by accident this morning. It was awkward for everyone involved.
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
30 year old woman with braces and crocs came into the store today with her boyfriend. what am I doing wrong.
So far I consider it a great summer because I have had to buy Plan B a total of zero times
All I wanted to do was come home from work and masturbate for national sex day... I sliced my the tip of finger giving myself a pedicure so I can’t even do that #singlelife
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize