So i had sex for a couple seconds last night
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
I am about to get in a knife fight over a corn dog.
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
No, the moral of my Oxford interview was "Never snort caffeine pills".
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
She told me I should be proud of my dick pics, then told me she was in love with me, then I dropped her off at her boyfriend's. I was a new kind of failure tonight.
My uterus is doing all sorts of karate moves to break free of my body.
im drinking out of a pineapple, so yea.
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
We free pour in this house. Measuring alcohol is for the weak
Randomize
