Christians are straight up FREAKS
My place. Tomorrow Night. Bring your liver, and something for it to do.
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
You kept excitedly announcing to the bar what time it was. Followed by an equally excited "Clock language still makes sense!"
I'd like to be considered more than just his fuck buddy thanks. IVE BEEN RISKING PREGNANCY FOR SEVEN GODDAMN MONTHS I DESERVE THE TITLE OF GIRLFRIEND
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
My puffy vagina and I are on the way to the doctor to see what your mutant penis did to us THANKS A LOT
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
This is what we get for finishing a whole box of Franzia by ourselves
I was christened with Fireball shots by some guy at the bar. I'm practically Jesus now.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
The Olympian is in my bed
I can't wait to see you again. It will be like when we first started dating- but with less clothes.
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