just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
FYI: Do not ever call any girl a thundercunt as a form of dirty talk.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
you kept saying 'can i put my penis on the grill?' and it was all i could do to stop you. you're welcome, though
Alright this has to stop. Without adderall I don't even have the motivation to get laid. College has ruined me.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
His penis will pick the quickest route to vagina. it's like an biological onstar.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
I can say with absolute certainty the only time we ever had a civil conversation was when we agreed we both liked pizza.
I CAN SEE SO MANY PENISES. There are so many visible penises here.
Where are you???
Yoga class :(
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