I have to start avoiding pregnant women. This is getting out of hand.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
i just was bootyclappin in front of homeless men in a back alley
It was insane. I was drunk for 11 consecutive hours. I woke up covered in almonds and there were footprints all over my shirt
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
Moral of the story is go have sex with a foreigner and report back to me.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Can cross "get fingered at a state park" off my bucket list
"Only you can prevent yeast infections."
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
I'm by myself. some Midwest chick is hitting on me because I gave her a deviled egg. I need the distraction.
THERE'S MORE TO LIFE THAN JUST MISSIONARY
Skipping class. Wanna Drink now?
yea. just give me 15 min to write a paper.
You were painting for six hours and managed one four foot wall. "The Mellow Handyman" isn't a good business model.
Randomize
