Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
she was so hammered she started drinking dishwasher detergent
I dont know whats funnier - that, or that we learned that poison control is closed at 2 AM
my roomate judo was messing around with a girl who recently had a kid, when he was sucking her tits milk came out lmao
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
I need a creepy friend to scare off the other creepy people
I would be honored to be that friend.
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
All I've consumed over the last couple days is Vanilla Coke, semen, and Coors. I don't think today will be any different.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
I had a dream where I was about to fight you but you were dressed like a greek god and had just killed a werewolf with your bare hands
I can affiliate each flavor of Copenhagen to a different one night stand. I really love Texas.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
this makes me concerned. not enough to actually do anything about it, but yeah.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
He stood up through the sunroof yelling "CHOCOLATE MILK BITCHESSSS!!!! YOU AIN'T WORTH SHIT NOW!!!" the sad part is he wasn't even drunk yet. I worry about him sometimes.
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