i just used a urinal to avoid climbing stairs, i need to quit drinking.
this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
I am laying on the kitchen floor eating cold chicken fingers and drinking wine. welcome to my new years party.
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
Ummm I just broke my no puke streak at church
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
So, your gf couldn't walk up the stairs without your help, but she could knit you a scarf?
I think the fact that the scarf was made out of dental floss should be taken into account.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
I went in the closet and cried, then the bathroom and cried, and lastly he showed me his penis and I cried. It was a weird night.
His cat kept scratching my feet while we were having sex. There's only room for one pussy around here. It also concerns me that he owns a cat.
Wound up hungover. Visiting 4 y/o nephew suggested cookies and milk and playing Kirby with him with the sound down. This kid is going places.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
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