my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Who did Billy Mays play for?
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
Oh, and she's that dumb bitch that goes out in public in full make up and sweats with uggs. I hope she falls face first in a bowl of queso and drowns
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Dude id rather jerk off w a fist full of bee's than deal with that girl that never stops talking.
A big dick and how quickly they respond to snapchat is all I look for in a guy
Dave called me blind fucking drunk thinking he was going to die from drinking with drake bell(wtf?) saying "it's all that drake motherfucker's fault" and later proceeded to tell me "you are my twitter"
Do one night stands count towards my number?
Yes. A penis is a penis
Even bad ones?
YES.
I hate how she's getting mean with age
Meh, you can't hate. That's our basic life goal and you know it.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
Randomize
