it wasn't sex, it was awkward naked time.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
When your really high you cant order into a clowns mouth
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
So we reenacted men's olympic skeet shooting using roman candles and flattened beer cans. That's all
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
Would you please stop exposing your tits on my couch?
Fuck you, my tits are fabulous
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
