you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
it's not our fault the pink and the sink are so close together.
you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
worse things have happened to me. but if it will make you feel better you can pay for my therapist sessions next week.
We were sexting and then the radio announced robert pattinson would be playing kurt cobain in a movie and it totally killed the mood
you were eating the carrots out of my guinea pig's cage and saying that you needed them more than they ever would.
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
He poured the shots. We did them together. I cheersd him out of the shower
The more I stare at her and block out what she's actually saying with thoughts of what she could be saying, the more interested I become
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
What I'm saying is DOWNGRADE. Like, do you see the caps lock?
He had an extremely smooth butt for a man with such rough hands.
Whatever. I just want to indulge in this mcchicken and forget all about his tiny penis.
He texted his hospitalized grandma while inside me, so really a perfect gentleman.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Randomize