how hairy? two words: wookie tits
I envy your ability to put any word in front o the word beer and make drinking before 5 sound like a socially sanctioned event.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
we hate each other therefore the sex is mindblowing
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I'm in a hotel full of Marines. I'm leaving here pregnant.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
I don't remember much of last night. But I woke up with very apologetic texts from him this morning so apparently I didn't get laid. Which is stupid.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
Of course i made out w him. He was painted green. You know of my secret longing for the Hulk.
I took my makeup off with mouthwash. Seemed like a good idea. It worked.
You have a husband. I have a bag full of electronics. This, is the single life.
Heading there now. Already have a boner.
Randomize