So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
And she was only 16?
You say that like it's a bad thing.
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
a kid puked on the floor and instead of, you know, cleaning it they cut a square out of the carpet with a boxcutter and threw it outside
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I'm definitely going to class still drunk right now and the freshman dressed as Hugh Heffner last night is texting me. I can't handle this.
Seriously? You DON'T remember putting all those Swedish fish in the waffle iron b/c you wanted "One big Swedish fish?" That waffle iron was a wedding gift.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I WILL KICK YOU IN THE FUCKING THROAT IF YOU EAT MY FUCKING ICE CREAM.
Christ, I'm so hungover I pretty positive I sent Luna to school with salsa instead of jelly on her sandwich.
Randomize
