watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
I just found a 1/2 inch of mimosa in my shoe.
You should get more absorbent shoes.
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
apparently I crawled into someone's bed and demanded they call me 'big dog' before shotgunning a beer
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Well that's very sweet of you. I have a strange feeling you're going to regret this when you sober up.
NO REGRETS FUCK DA POLICE
Lol I'm just saying its too early for your penis, I can accept it but at a more decent hour
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
I think you threw up on me last night but i can't remember so i'm not mad at you.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
she prefaced telling me she was pregnant with "houston, we have a problem"
Randomize
