i get turned down more than a collar. where are the desperate bitches i need to crawl to them
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
U can find me on my couch hungover eatin tuna evaluating my life
After a long night of drunk sexting I have to the ninja roll at the front door to see who showed up.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I got a 5 dollar bill, 1 condom, and no alcohol. I get payed on Thursday. Let's do this shit.
Hey beautiful no judgement but why is there a bucket of KFC chicken in the bathtub??
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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