literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
Yes. It's so easy to pack to leave when you've thrown away half your clothing cause it smells like vomit.
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
Any chance you used one if the curtain rods in the fireplace room as a sword? One is missing
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I was going to learn how to knit but I got high instead.
My kid made a secret wish that you have a baby... Make good choices today!
Thank you for holding my butt in a non-sexual manner when its cold. I appreciate you and your warm hands.
She was wearing a grass skirt and a watermelon bra. WATERMELONS.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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