piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
So I finally got the Patron washed off my boobs.
Teenaged girls are God's best work and the Devil's best tool. Remember that my friend.
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
I know everyone screamed lady cop instead of cops. I wanted to apologize to her for our chauvinism
This girl has a mullet weave. I missed oakland.
you stumbled up the stairs in your heels, pulled 23 one-dollar bills out of your bra and then went and puked in the toilet. didnt say a single thing to me the whole time
Worst walk of shame everrr. Hopefully the thought of me walking 20 minutes in the freezing cold with someone else's sweatpants, a bra on & high heels will cheer you up today.
Oh god there are people jogging. Fuck off productive people, you don't know me.
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I'm sitting on the toilet just to avoid my bosses look of disapproval
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
How’d it go?
I accidentally joined a cult
So not great...
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