I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
YOU CAN RENT MIDGETS ON CRAIGS LIST
I told you not to ruin your birthday surprise!
How do I introduce myself to her without coming off as "the guy who jacks-off to her profile pic"?
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
ok, my life is complete.... the cops AND the paramedic just made a Mean Girls reference...
A man in denim coveralls just shotgunned a beer on the dance floor
Haha, apparently they frown upon male strippers there. Bouncers couldn't catch me tho.
You know what? I bet HE would do stormtrooper roleplay with me. I'm in.
I got laughed at by a homeless guy in a Daniel Boone hat. I have no clue what this means for my day
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
That awkward moment when you hear your boss yelling during sex while you're on her couch eating Easy Mac.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
Randomize