if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
says the girl that drank her shots like they were in a dog bowl
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
Pitchers of shots should be outlawed. I've puked more than i've breathed in the past half hour.
He's both a cowboy and a firefighter. Saying "no" was not an option.
When the nurse referred to my vag as "your downstairs", I knew I found the perfect Doctors office.
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
I would do everything over again, except the fireball.
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
I just woke up in a prom dress on your bathroom floor, yea I'm 32.
Randomize
