when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
New boss looks like john cusack in a collar. Hot. Why do i always want to have sex with priests?
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I was speaking french the whole night. Until i got arrested. Then I decided I should probably start speaking English.
Either these are mashed potatoes in my pants, or I was drunker than I thought.
I think he just gave me the 'I used to fuck your sister' discount
It's only 4 pm and I'm already way past my preferred quota of "could have died" moments
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
You gave him that scrunchie you made and called it your "sex offering".
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
I had sex in an engineering office last night. So that could be your life. I was mounted on top of a sketch of a future parking lot for a maintenance building. If that's not romantic, idk what is
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
She shaved her vagina in my bed. Good night
Watching South Park, doing sit-ups and drinking tequila. In other words, my night is going pretty good.
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