is it really this hard to find a guy i can fuck and have a good time with who doesn't ask where things are going btwn us?
you sound like my dream girl
I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
Things I want for my birthday 1. a Chipotle grade tortilla steamer 2. a new liver
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
I made out with about ten people last night. And four of them were just on the way to my car from the bar. And one was my roommate.
Your resume just got faxed, I also modified it a bit and sent it to strip clubs...expect weird phone calls...
Yeah it got awkward when the two guys we were playing beer pong against realized that I'd hooked up with both of them. Their teamwork declined after that.
You know you're more responsible when you turn down your bed and make a clear path to it before you go out..
Randomize
