you ran into the room and announced "I JUST FUCKED HER IN THE ASS". apparently you forgot she left the bedroom 5 minutes before you and was standing with us all.
Remember how we wr so drunk last nite we cldnt find whr i shot my load? ...found some of it.
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
I'll throw in a blow job for your kind ways. Or another booty call. I'm poor and not very imaginative. This is all I have to offer- the unicorn like wonders of my vagina.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Had "I should be in prison or dead" storytime at the bar. Found out James has done blow off a dead guy. Overwhelmed and speechless.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
The one with glasses said he was keeping my bra. He had me sign it before he left and he said he would be hanging it up in his bunker. I support our troops.
I am very happy to share that the hospital says the testicle pain is normal and that they are going to take care of it.
Thank you <3 he just looked at me, fist bumped me, and asked me what was on my titty....we may cut her off
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
Life lesson: if a hot naked girl tells you to spit on something, you spit on it. No questions.
I CAN SPEAK THE LANGUAGE OF THE ANIMES.
If my vagina was a person it would have a bandage around its head and it's arm in a sling rn
I have vodka, fruit gushers, and health insurance. Let's party.
Randomize
