Wooohooo! I'm sitting in the car like a creep watching people walk in and out of Blush. Lots of happy people.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
is it bad that I sent her a picture of my penis on her husbands birthday?
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
I was giving him a handjob and he commented that he loved my nailpolish....I'm destined to die a fag hag
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
The liquor stores are closed! NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO! CURSE YOU SANDY!!!!
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
I didn't get a chance to take any pics but the mental snapshot of her boyfriend calling her directly after we finished was a really special moment I wish I could properly share with you.
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
I guess the wine stains on your shirt and the $2 vodka tonics you're sweating out just scream, "Welcome to DC, please ask me for directions."
Binging muscle relaxers because when ur 33 you can no longer SHAKE IT LIKE A POLAROID PICTURE for 2hrs w/o consequences. Fuck you, Age.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
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