It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.
he kept looking at my chin until i asked why, then he just said he was making sure his balls didnt leave a mark.
Just saw the true definition of the muffin top and camel toe all on one person at the DC zoo... Tried to take a pic but she got away..
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
I almost stepped in a homeless mans stream of urine as he was peeing. I love this city.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Are the transvestites working the counter tonight? Last time I was there they gave me love advice.
They have a house rule that you get a composite for every 5 guys you sleep with. Where should I hang my new one?
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
who knew magic tricks and sex would actually go together?
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
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