Kayla got stiches in her face. Rode in an ambulance shotgun. Tried to steal a baby, thought it was mine
Walk of Shame'd halfway down a mountain, skiiers passing. Do not drink with lifties at the end of ski season.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
I made people serenade her before talking to her and went on a condom run. If I'm going to be in the friend zone, I'm going to be its fucking king.
I'm a male taking pregnancy tests with every girl at the party. i have no regrets
The second I see you we're shot gunning beers
It's gonna be 8 o'clock in the morning
And your point is?
Marry me
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
He showed up at my apartment drunk with a telescope wanting me to look at the "blown up star" in -24 degree weather, claiming "it's in the name if science"
Apparently there was a black out and the security alarms went off except I was convinced it was the microwaves and made ben unplug them all then got really frustrated cos he wasnt doing it right
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
I'm having a hard time eating my sandwich knowing how many different buttholes my hands were in last night.
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
