She was so drunk that I kept trying to switch out her wine for water. Sort of like Jesus, but in reverse.
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
i want the original willy wonka imagination song to come on when i take a girl to my room
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
This is most sickening thing I've ever seen, and I threw up my body weight in jello shots on my birthday.
Wanna hang out? my DILF had to dip out for his sons little league game
Is it acceptable to cry on a Friday or am I supposed to drink to forget it?
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
He told me he sees me like a sister then 10 mins later tried to make out with me.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
This is gonna be the kind of weekend where if it involves putting on pants, it ain't happening.
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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