distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
I made the bartender pinky promise me there was still vodka in my drinks.
This place doesnt have redbull or serve shots. Its like they are at war with fun.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
You went down on Rachel in front me last night. Worst. Brother. Ever.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
so I am that guy with the red solo cup in class. someone has to step it up.
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
alright well Taco Bell Closes at 12 so you better pray to god she's asleep by then or I'm running in your house butt ass naked with a bag of tacos
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
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