I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
This ain't no lie cnn says sonny n cher's dtr chastity is going to have sex reassignment surgery to become a man named chaz
Not surprised. I always thought Cher was a very passable post op transexual.
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
I just got off a plane from Mexico. At least 15 passengers dashed to the bathroom throughout the flight. Can you tell its spring break?
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
We love you just as you are but we might love you more if we didn't have to post bail so often...
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
Trying to figure out what I just puked. Demon weed is salad. No more drunk buffets.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
He said my vagina is harder to escape than the Temple of Doom.
After you smoke one night. Just whisper in a barely audible voice, "Grey Poupon"
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
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