Hey you
You're the only one I'll text back during sex. what's up?
Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
One reason I don't come to Portland. I saw 8 guys I have had sex with last night. At the same party.
By 8 I mean 9.
And by 9 I mean 10.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
Of course drinkings involved. They don't call it alcoholism because we eat too many skittles.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
It got heated then she just left and I was all alone in the women's restroom.
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
