Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
you washed your face with toilet water last night.. i tried to stop you but you wouldn't have it.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
If thou doesn't answer thou phone thou shall receive a barrage of Dick pics. It's the eleventh commandment.
All I have in my new place is coke and a treadmill.. it's workout Wednesday
The cat just walked up and made eye contact with me while I had sex. I'm going to have to burn the house down with him in it.
Mostly what I remember is someone saying "raise your hand if you're too turnt" then raising my hand and falling
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
I've only hooked up with engineers this year and it may be the best future financial decision I've ever made
Blacked out and showed everyone my nudes. They toasted to my nudes, and I got an outstanding ovation.
Randomize
