Midget sex pt 2 tonight
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
He'll choke me during sex but he won't eat a strip of bacon. Vegetarians are weird.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
I was late because I helped this old romanian lady mow her lawn at 2AM.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I'd be 10x more excited if going out didn't require pants or the general giving of fucks
Let us rub each other in fish scales and become mermaids
Her ex was at the party her housemates were having. He knocked on her door asking how she was while we were going at it. Turns out they were trying to work things out. Don't think I'll ever forget his face when we walked out of her room.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
I should have known when she said it would be "fun" we'd end up in the hospital
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
Just saw Little Red Riding Hood riding a guy on hood of a car
Good for her for committing to the costume
Randomize
