I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Planet Earth isn't gonna get stoned and watch itself.
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
I pretended I didn't remember seeing him hookup with that freshman, and he pretended he didn't remember seeing me hookup with that old guy. We have a beautiful and unawkward friendship.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
sometimes you just have to listen to beyonce and cry. that's how life works
Listen all we did was not even pretend we aren’t each other’s type and live together and constantly encourage each other to get laid for 6 months.
Idk how it devolved into us fucking.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
So, I think think I left my underwear at your house. Well...not exactly your house but your roof.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
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