um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
I don't know what's more sad: The fact that he fingered the side of my leg, or the fact that the side of my leg feels like a vagina.
people should stop making movies, we'll never top bio-dome.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I wish that one Sunday morning I could wake up feeling like I have my life together.
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
The dude at Coffee Bean just handed me my tea latte and whispered, "pomegranate blueberry is such a sexy flavor". With a wink. I'm almost certain that there's an STD floating around in my drink.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
