yo I sort of want to fuck rachel maddow. but I'm not a lesbian. actually I reaally want to so maybe I am a lesbian. at least on weekdays at 9.
But never have I ever had sex with a dirty talker before, so it was something else, to say the least. I signed up to get laid, not play Penthouse Mad Libs.
i sleep in a fine layer of vodka and semen. i don't know that that would appropriate for a pajama rally.
I stopped understanding conversations unrelated to vodka two vodkas ago.
She's throwing herself an "I just had a baby" shower, where she makes up for 9 months of sobriety then squeezing a watermelon out of her vagina.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
He obv doesn't know that telling a woman to chill will get him murdered
i have too much dick at my disposal? i should make them fight. best dick pic gets laid
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
she wouldnt leave because they were playing One Direction. I'm dating a thirteen year old.
Listen, yo... we need to have a serious conversation about this Dollar Store toilet paper. Because if I’m going to finger someone’s ass, it’s not going to be my own.
Randomize
