her nose should be used as a dorsal fin
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
Just bought a german beer stein with tuition cash. no regrets
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
I pulled down his boxers and a 20 dollar bill fell out. I'm telling you, the blowjob fairy EXISTS
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
Man in California was arrested for killing and eating a wild bobcat while high on crystal meth. Let's please NEVER get that high on anything...
Halloween night fail: My boob sweat from keeping my phone in my bra caused the front screen to stop working from water damage.
That man deserves a slow clap... He defied the power of the vagina
I went to her house she had a kid pool in her living room watching the vacation channel drinking rum out of the bottle saying" life is what you make it. Mines a vacation!!!"
The chances of me making out with someone next weekend are about the same as me not remembering it.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
Randomize
