I'm pretty sure my roommate has taken plan B more times than i've had sex. Not sure how that makes me feel.
hooked up with a girl who spoke elfish last night..what up 8th grade lord of the rings fantasies
Bagel with cream cheese. It's blowing my fucking mind.
How high are you right now..
I MICROWAVED IT. SIGNIFICANT IMPROVEMENT.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
He looks like a fat version of lurch from the adams family and smells like fritos. This is not the caliber man I want pleasuring himself to the thought of me!
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
Ten minute nap on a staircase honey badger don't care
I love you. Mom got to wasted at the wedding that she threw up on my shirt.
I spent most of the night trying to drink out of three bottles of beer at once. I don't have to be told the reasons I'm single
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
Oh the best part of having sex with him was that he made me a smoothie after
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
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