I guess there's some 16 and under softball tournament and they all are at my work. what is a 21 year old to do?
The responsible thing...show them the break room.
just woke up and this girl had my cellphone nestled in the front of her thong. i kept thinking "is this a trap?"
the three of them together have enough kids to fill a barney live audience.
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
i should teach a seminar on how to fall off the wagon
Let me clarify that those tears were for losing my fuck buddy and his penis, not to the fact that he decided he wanted an actual relationship with feelings.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
I was just informed that I have the perfect belly button for body shots... Best compliment ever.
I told him if he ever gets a "wink" text from me after 10:00pm to assume I really mean "we should be hooking up by 2:30am"
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
At first I was nervous about leaving him my undergraduate legacy, but apparently he made out with lesbians, woke up with hickeys and a different shirt. My family name will survive.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her
Just beer bonged through a snorkel, add that to the list
I know we agreed to cock block each other from now on buttt I WANT this one. I have felt his penis, it is godly, and I am going to have it inside of me, so shut the fuck up and leave.
Randomize
