I told him to come back in 5mins cause i needed to take a few more shots before i could talk to him
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
She's never going to forget it... Christmas Anal.
I had a dream about a turtle sitting on top of a horse skull. I'm certain its a symbol for my dead sex life. Trust me.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
Ok fine. Wild. Free. Like a stallion set free in a beautiful meadow filled with flowers and sexy lady horses
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I just wanted to share with you that my life has come to naked arts and crafts, to fix my flask, with a rum and coke in my hand... Good luck on your exam
And I can feel feelings now and they hurt
no it was
but you compared your dick to a female disney character
Ive realized that in order for me to understand math, my professor has to be hot.
Until you've snorted cocaine at 6am before your nursing school clinicals birthing babies you're not on my level
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