you laugh because clearly you have never had to clean poop out of a tub
i just traded a sweatshirt for margaritas... why did they ever stop using the barter system??!!
You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
Like... Chilling at home with a movie, hang out? Or have sexual intercourse in the backseat if his car, hang out?
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
You gotta hand it to him. 6 hours in a new town and he's already fuck someone, had his ass kick by her bf, and rounded up a posse of people to kick this guys ass.
I made out with an Italian cab driver. Not cool. Help. Good news he will drive us anywhere we want to go as long as you cook food?!?!?! I want to melt into the pavement.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
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